


being a stupid gay dumbass in love is gay culture

by iamnotalizard



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, gay culture, idk what timeline this follows, they r 2 boys in love and i also love them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 14:31:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14114385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamnotalizard/pseuds/iamnotalizard
Summary: simon and bram explore and display aspects of gay culture





	being a stupid gay dumbass in love is gay culture

**Author's Note:**

> this is a gays only event

_ Sitting Weird _

“Okay, why are you sitting like that?” Nick asks one day in tenth grade, looking at the seemingly uncomfortable position Simon is in.

“Sitting like what?”

“Like… you're sitting on the arm of the couch-”

“Yeah.”

“With one foot on the cushion-”

“Yeah.”

“And your other leg is like, wrapped around? The leg on the cushion?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?” Nick asks, again. Simon leans back onto the couch cushion, which, in Nick’s opinion, makes the position look even more uncomfortable.

“It’s comfy.”

Nick stares at Simon for a moment, before shrugging. “Whatever you say, I guess.”

The subject is mostly dropped; people occasional comment on how Simon sits, legs tucked under himself while sitting at a desk, sitting on the back of benches instead of the seats, body twisted into strange ways while relaxing on a couch, but his friends and family just assume it’s one of those Simon Things.

 

And then Bram joins the friend group, and then Simon and Bram start dating and everyone quickly realizes that it’s not just a Simon Thing, it might also be a Simon and Bram thing.

“ _Why_ are you laying across the back of the couch instead of sitting on it, Bram? And, Simon, _why_ does it look like you’re practicing yoga?” Abby asks, one day. Nick and Leah look equally confused. Bram has to turn his body a bit to look at her, and for a second he wobbles precariously.

“Honestly, I think it might be a gay thing.” He answers. Simon snickers, and the rest of them feel like they don’t know enough about What Constitutes As A Gay Thing to argue.

 

_ Hoodie Gay vs Denim Gay _

It’s getting warmer, but Simon refuses to lose even one layer of his outfit.

Bram finds it funny.

“Just ditch the jacket, Si,” he giggles, as he looks at Simon’s flushed cheeks, “You won’t die from Lack of Fashion, but you can from heat stroke.”

“Listen, just because you can have just a hoodie on and call it a look, doesn’t mean I can.” He replies, stealing Bram’s water bottle.

“Babe, you always look good.”

“Thank you, but that’s not the point.” Simon says, a single water drop sliding down his chin. Bram reaches over and wipes it away with his thumb.

“Then what is the point?”

“The point is, I’m a Denim Jacket Gay _and_ a Hoodie Gay, and I can’t just pick one or the other. This is my brand, Bram.”

Bram snorts, “Okay. But if you picked hoodie then we could share a lot more clothes.”

“If you switched to denim, we could match.” Simon fires back.

 

In the end, Simon does end up losing a layer. Bram is overly pleased, until he realizes that Simon ditched his hoodie so that he could wear a shirt with a jacket.

 

_ The Leg Thing _

It feels like Simon and Leah have been waiting forever for Nick, Abby, Gram and Garrett to meet them with their ice cream. After deciding to be spontaneous, Leah had texted all of them and asked for them to meet her and Simon at the park; after Nick mentioned ice cream, the two of them managed to pester them into just picking up some extra cones and coming.

Simon is pacing around, bored, as Leah sits at the picnic table she’s claimed as her own, while they wait. Occasionally Simon will make as if he’s going for a truly pathetic roundhouse kick and throw one of his legs up onto the table top. He’ll hop around on foot for a moment, before pulling it off, the process starting again after a few minutes.

“Could you maybe not?” Leah asks, after he almost kicks her phone out of her hands.

“Sorry!” he chirps, bending his knee so that he has to get closer to the table. He reties his shoelace, since it’s up on the table.

Leah rolls her eyes a little and smiles, “You’re so weird.”

 

A few minutes later, just as Simon is about to make to bring his leg off the table, the rest of the gang appears, all brandishing at least one ice cream cone. Bram walks over to Simon and hands him his cone, with a brief kiss on the lips. Simon smiles, and says, ‘Thank you.’

 

Just as Leah is about to tell Simon to get his foot off the table and sit down, Bram steps back, and throws his leg on the concrete bench, straightening his knee until his leg is a perfect line.

 

Leah just rolls her eyes and licks her scoop. It’s not as if she’s ever cared much for table manners anyways.

 

_Screaming/Groaning/Key smashing_

Simon and Bram decide to take a trip down memory lane, and Simon ends up showing him the video of Brendon Urie that made him want to die when he was a greasy fifteen year old.

He still kind of wants to die.

He lets out a high pitched noise as Brendon Urie moves his head in a particular way that does something to Simon’s heart, for some reason.

Bram pats his shoulder. “I get it,” he says.

Simon seriously doubts that his perfect boyfriend could ever make such an embarrassing noise as he just did, but he’s proven wrong, as Bram makes a nearly identical noise when a certain Nick Jonas appears on screen as they listen to Burnin’ Up.

 

Simon laughs at him, because he’s a hypocrite.

 

Later, Bram texts him a link to a video with a time stamp in the URL. Simon opens it a nearly screams when he’s met with Brendon Urie’s pelvis. He hits random letters and sends it to Bram, hoping it conveys his emotions eloquently enough.

 

Bram texts back, ‘lmao’

Simon thinks the ‘abdsfjgnoudk’ did the trick.

 

_No sympathy for straight people_

“It just sucks that my mom can’t be a little more supportive of who I date, yaknow?” Nick says. Simon and Bram both nod along. Nick looks at both of them, “I guess you don’t know, though, do you?”

 

Simon stares at Nick with a deadpan expression, “Nick, there are thirteen countries where I could be put to death for dating Bram, and that isn’t counting the state of Alabama.”

 

Nick is silent. “... point taken.”

 

_ Dyeing hair _

“If I dyed my hair blue, would that be a little too gay?” Bram asks Simon one day. Simon immediately looks up from his phone to look Bram right in the eyes.

“If you dye your hair blue, I will die. Like, actually die. You’ll be too cute, and I’ll be too gay, and I won’t be able to handle it.” Bram blushes at the compliment. “Also, every time I see your hair, I’ll be thinking of how we got together, and I’ll blush too much.” Simon finishes.

Bram leans over, and gives Simon’s free hand a squeeze. “Yeah, but wouldn’t it be cute?”

“It would be so cute.”

“You should dye your hair with me!” Bram says, “You would look so nice with, like, purple or red.”

“How about green?”

“Green? Why green?”

“Bluegreen118 at gmail dot com.”

Bram is silent for a moment, though his cheeks heat up. “You’re a nerd for remembering the whole thing, you know.”

 

They end up getting the temporary dye that washes out after a few weeks. Simon is left with streaks of green that refuse to leave, until he dyes his hair back to brown, and Bram has patches of coarse, bleach blond hair, since he had to bleach his hair before he dyed it. They wear hats and complain about the lasting effects, but they grin every time they see a picture of themselves with the colourful hairstyles.

 

_Love and Support_

If Abby thought Bram and Simon were bad while drunk _before_ they were dating, then they’re a fucking nightmare afterwards. And just her luck, she pulled the short straw to be their babysitter in case they get too drunk.

Simon can hold his alcohol better this time, but by the time the night is done, he’s hugging Bram and crying.

“Bram, Bram, Bram, my boyfriend, my love, my husband-”

“We aren’t married,” Bram interrupts, slightly tipsy himself.

“Shut up, Bram. Wait, no, don’t shut up, I love your voice.” Simon is a little teary eyed. “Bram, you’re so beautiful and kind and smart. Oh my god, are you an angel? Am I dating an angel?”

Bram giggles and pets Simon’s hair. Simon nuzzles into Bram’s shirt, smearing his green zombie face paint everywhere.

“I’m not the angel, _you’re_ the angel!”  
“No!” Simon argues back, leaning up to press a sloppy kiss to Bram’s cheek. “Oh my god, your skin is so soft! I have the softest boyfriend!”

Abby rubs her temples before taking another sip of beer. They can be cute when sober, but the lack of filter Simon has means the non stop stream of compliments has been going on for over an hour.

Another wave of ‘i love you!’s followed by giggles erupts from the two of them. Ignoring the awful taste, Abby tips the bottle up and chugs what’s left of her beer.

She’ll have to be way less sober to handle pulling Simon away from Bram at the end of the night.

**Author's Note:**

> love simon upped my gay level but 300% i am Maximum Gay  
> also i read the book before seeing the movie but iw as still on the edge of my seat the whole time lmao like i knew bram was blue but i was still like 'omg is it bram/?"  
> i am/ so tired ill probs check this in the mornign lmao bye


End file.
